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Here at Stash, we’re an urban website. This could mean that we only feature music, videos and the latest sneaker drops, but there’s an element that many men leave out of their daily routine. While the hipster movement is trying its hardest to convince you that homeless-chic is the way to go, I’m making it my job to try and convince you otherwise. Alas, at the risk of sounding incredibly condescending and elitist, I present to you all the steps to both leaving the house every morning and going to bed every night feeling fresh to death, in every sense of the word. Enjoy.
STEP 1: Awaken
Wake the fuck up boy. If like me you’re not a morning person, this is generally easier said than done. I could merely advise you to hit the hay earlier, but that’s for wimps. 6-7 hours is all you really need. That said, try and get a good amount of rest on average as your body will thank you in the long run. Anyway, back to waking up. Try and get up about an hour before you leave if you can manage it. That leaves time for any extra waking up/Facebooking you may need before you leave the house. You know that feeling you get sometimes when you wake up feeling revitalised as fuck? There are a few tools you can acquire that will help you achieve that every morning, and they all lie in that little device charging on your bedside table.
Most phones nowadays will let you choose an mp3 file for your alarm tone. Ditch the standard buzzing or corny rainforest sounds, and stick something on that will actually make waking up a pleasant experience. Something that won’t make you jump but will get you fired up is the best choice. I recommend something along the lines of Clams Casino.
If you can be arsed, there are many apps available across all platforms that are more intuitive than the clock app that came in your phone. Look for something that will start with an increasing volume function. They’re great for slowly waking your brain up over a longer period before you actually regain consciousness. That sounded a bit dark. Either way, it helps you feel fresher.
STEP 2: Toilet
Realistically, this can apply to both girls and guys. So you’re awake and probably feeling a bit groggy. Bathroom. If you need to shave, run a sink now. Toilet. Sit. Reflect. Try and take a dump if possible. If you have to take the dreaded post shower shit, you may as well call in sick, go back to bed and start your day over. Your boss will understand. Remember to turn off the sink. If nothing happens at all, then you probably need to eat more fibre. Flush. Glen 20. Proceed to shower.
STEP 3 – Shower
Ok. Here’s where things get a little bit Patrick Bateman. While I’m not going to tell you to go out and and buy a thousand dollars of almond body scrub and diamond based moisturisers, too many men seem to be in the habit of doing an all over shower gel, maybe washing their hair once a week and that’s that. Repent, for this is not the way. Let’s start from the top down.
Hair
If you think that people won’t realise something is up with your hair, or just flat out don’t pay attention to it, then you’re mistaken. Even if you have a Brad Pitt-esque ability to pull off almost any hairstyle, you still have to put a bit of effort to keep it looking good. That includes washing it on a regular basis. If you use product every day, for the love of god wash it every day and that includes shampoo. Common objections include “BUT THAT’S REALLY BAD FOR YOUR SCALP”. Bollocks! Having three days worth of wax built up in your hair is just as bad for everyone around you. Condition every few days to keep dem locks silky and manageable. Twice a week should do you just fine.
Most men’s hairdressers around the city will be advertised as an “American Crew” salon. There’s a reason for this. They really do have the best in men’s hair care products, and a great range to choose from at a fairly reasonable price. The Classic Range is designed as the original, with a manly scent for manly hair. A Tea Tree range is there for those who need things a bit more calm and manageable, and a Mint range for those who like a refreshing hit of a morning. I shit you not, it actually cools your scalp. They retail for about $25 a bottle, but you can get them online for around $15.
While Dove generally advertise themselves as for those who want their skin as silky smooth as a baby’s ass, they actually have a pretty good men’s line. This is a 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, that will pretty much do exactly what you need it to. Seven bucks a bottle. Easy peasy.
Face
Despite being a generally non strenuous activity, you sweat a shitload when you sleep. This is doubled when you take into account the oil you had in last night’s dinner, and I’m not even going to go into the effects of being hungover and/or scat. Don’t worry I’m not judging, we’ve all been there. Anyway, a good clean daily is the best way to prevent those goddamn pimples that come as a result of too much fun inside or outside of the sheets. You basically have two choices. A face wash, and a face scrub. Get both. Use the wash five days a week, and the scrub two. Any more scrubbing will trigger your skin to release protective oils, and that leads to oily skin. If you need to shave, shave on the day you use the scrub, as it will help loosen up the rough hairs on your chin and allow for a smoother shave.
I’ve tried a lot of face washes in my short span on this earth, but Shisheido for Men’s new Face Wash is something else. Great texture, doesn’t dry the face out too much, and just leaves your skin feeling clean. Japanese precision really. You’re talking about 30 bucks for a bottle. I should probably note here that these prices are for amounts that will last you for at least two or three months.
Kiehl’s have been famous for their Shaving Products for almost 30 years now, and with good reason. From the Energizing Face Scrub that I’m mentioning here to their range of Shave Creams etc. etc., You can’t really go wrong. Around $25 a hit across their range.
You probably know Michael Klim as the one-time bald-headed face of Australian swimming. It appears his secondary passion was for budget cosmetics, as the line bearing his namesake can now be found at supermarkets nationwide. The seaweed extract Face Wash/Scrub is a great 2-for-1 option for those looking to save a little. It’s still about $15 for a decent amount, but to be honest anything under that price is pretty much not worth bothering with.
Everything Else
I’m going to be brutally frank here. You could go full American Psycho and invest in whatever $50 bottle of body scrub that takes your fancy. I was going to do the same to be honest, then a work colleague casually reminded me, “You’re going to wash it off anyway”. It may sound fairly hypocritical to go with this mindset after the amount of waffle I’ve engaged in over the course of this article, but the skin on your body is a little more resilient, and generally requires a little less effort. Still wash every day so you don’t reek, but as long as you like the smell and it has decent moisturising properties, you can’t really go wrong. That economy bottle of Radox will do you just fine. For those of you with particularly dry skin, I’ll focus on that in part two of the guide.
Until then though, use the shower for more reflection, get out, dry in whichever way pleases you. What happens next will be covered in the next part.
